I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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