ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
