Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
