No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this boner is exhausting
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
