My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
