I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
