I'm jealous of your bromance
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
