Ketchup is God's man juice
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
