so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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