I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
