he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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