Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't deserve a penis
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
