then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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