1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
3 2 1 whiskey
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
