Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
