I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
