dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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