textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
