you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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