Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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