please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
