I will die if light touches me.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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