Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
