the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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