I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
