There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize