He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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