after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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