escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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