Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
