Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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