eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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