you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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