I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
