apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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