I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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