he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
how drunk are you?
Several
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize