I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She even gives head with a lisp.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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