dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
