I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
