Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
