i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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