pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
