lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
