If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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