he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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