I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
