1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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