Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
