I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
