Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
