and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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