ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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