Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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