Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just had sex bonerless
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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