I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
