life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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