i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
