Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
