Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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