i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
