Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
