So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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