my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
