you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
