What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
