He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
