woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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