Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
