I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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