loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
