is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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