the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
