If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
